the long and winding road.

his first day. oh how i loved him so desperately. i never knew anything so perfect and wonderful and amazing. it was true love.
teddy is two today.
what a sweet sweet spirit he is.

i really needed my family, and felt so grateful that matt and amy drove out to meet my son. i meant everything to me that my family met him, so they could love him too and help me carry the burden.

year one!! (and squash stuffed baked apples in place of cupcakes.) that went by fast. so did this year. children help accelerate the pace at which life goes zooming by.......they grow and grow......

with daddy on his first birthday.

today squirting the fire hose. teddy loves all "big wheels keep on turning.." he was so nervous.....i guess it could be likened to someone meeting some sort of artist or musician they admire (like carl meeting tim kasher...) just awe and clumsiness. the fire department was very obliging.

teddy has been on this earth for two years.

i am very grateful to be able to share his life with him,

i am blessed to know him,

and i feel very humbled to be able to try to teach teddy about what i think is important,

but mostly i just give him love.


teddy you bless this world.

tonight it is my prayer that we all near the incomprehensible goodness and power that is our potential, and love with our fullest capacities.

probably more to come considering the birthday will stretch into a birthmonth into a birthyear into etc etc etc....

august (summer's wispy ends)

on the top of the driveway. life is way too sweet.

didnt know joe was taking the picture. its very renaissance for me.

this is me and the famous miwok "talking rock" of pleasant valley (to the left.) i'm actually on oak hill road having myself a summer adventure, and wishing a friend was there with me to explore the meadows, creek, and briar patches. the vest and cheeseball "life is good" reflector/mesh hat are the total of my biking safety gear.

his "first steps." again. he's been crawling, learning all over. he'll probably be a little lopsided because of the injury. the leg will go into hyper-growth mode or something like that.

i was quite impressed that the little "point and shoot" digi could handle the sunset so well.

"noooo, mommy!"

dinner with grandpa tom, and neighbors renee and conrad. renee taught me how to knit. she's a sweetheart and a survivor of auschwitz.

peach and blueberry smoothie. his eyes got really wide when i showed him the picture. he couldnt believe he was actually that messy. i think he looks like a little man with the goatee. (and he's still talking about owey and jarom and bella and eliza and zz and grant.)

he was quite fond of this stick, and took it with us on our walk to give it to shiloh, the neighbor dog. we go on walks every evening to say hi to the neighbors' horsies or cows or the mailbox. the other night he said he wanted to "go see vacas." as everyone could imagine i was pleased, espcially since i havent tried to teach him spanish and only sometimes speak it casually around him. (and we DONT watch dora!)

some summernesses.

ILLINOISE! corn. humidity like none other. it makes you feel like you're floating around in a hot, buzzing, sticky dream. the skies are much more dramatic there, with all of the moisture. clouds and lightning for a lot of the time. the night we got there we got drenched in seconds by the fattest, warmest downpour ever. it was bliss.

uncle jon can't resist the rusting silo ladder. tom's family is surely one of industriousness, perhaps being of sturdy german farming descent. one day teddy and i sat around as the whole family gathered to take down a stubborn tree. chain saws, chains and tractors, hand saws; the women watched and i asked if this was a typical activity for a family reunion. yes.

sexy chicago. and lake michigan, so beautiful.

lightning bugs and cardinals and forlorn train whistles. this is illinois. teddy got to meet tom's (and his) wonderful family, and meet his great grandparents and his great great grandma. his great grandpa hicks has a room filled with quite literally 12,000 plus hotwheels. strangely enough it was overwhelming and emotional for me to see it. mind boggling. we definetely had some great adventures.

watching 'confessions of a shopaholic.' we screen our viewing materials very thorougly. teddy was a good sport. during takeoff to chicago our plane basically blew up and we were stranded in sactown for a good 8-9 hours. we made friends with fellow displaced lost souls of the airport kind. we drifted about and wondered why in the heck we would ever get back onto that abomination of the great metal bird? (but we did.)

teddy got his cast off. halleluja. he went to the beach for the first time. this is the 'after' shot. he's content and a little wind burned.

the gang at fallen leaf. surely a spectacle. teddy and i had fun fun gobbling green beans and s'mores. i felt like quite the p-i-m-p pushing teddy in his wheelchair/stroller up to angora lakes. it was a wonderful gathering place where we met heather, adrian, art, dan, uncle jon, and grandpa tom.

a ham, for sure. he loves his grandpa tom.

overcast on the drive, and cold rushing fog. but over stinson beach there was a crescent of sunshine and blue sky. uncle lefty in the background attracted a gaggle of three year olds asking him to play, so he gave them a sound 'big rock candy mountains.' (back in arcata already, as of sat. night. do some good, jon!) we then hit up frisco and santa cruz over the next night and day. a celebration for the removal of the plaster cage and a farewell/hurrah for jonny.

that horrid oderous burdensome thing is in some dumpster somewhere. teddy experienced a slight baby depression with that thing on, as did i.

thank goodness for perspective. life is much easier now. we should always appreciate good health! things can get worse.

gardening is an act of optimism

we like to spend our evenings growing food. teddy puts his finger to his ear and says "ki-cuts." crickets. he's picking green tomatoes and eating them. they're not juicy, he tells me.

a cute zucchini is dropped into our little harvesting ice cream bucket. notice in teddy's other hand is TWO ducks...one plush and a frightening little plastic thing i worked hard for at sunsplash. i dont mean to brag but it does glow in the dark. he puts them to bed in the cup cupboard..."nigh nigh, ducks."

view from the garden...if i were a bug i'd live on queen anne's lace, a wide lovely canopy. there is a wonderful feeling outside, this yellow june. these long yellow days........i cant help but feel melancholy every summer solstice......how can the days already be getting shorter?

(life is like this.)

he loves to sit in the tree and he can't wait to eat the apples he sees.

for amy: "why are there so many songs about rainbows? and what's on the other side? rainbows are visions, and only illusions; rainbows have nothing to hide."

the seed is planted, watered, sung to, harvested, steamed, and used as lovely sustenance for a golden little fairy prince. "mmm, good....more more?" we are very blessed indeed.

"some day we'll find it, the rainbow connection!, the lovers, the dreamers, and me."

warm days/ lunch time

'squeal!' good sunshiny yellow

teddy and the kitty (officially 'rudy') playing in the ivy. i glanced out the window and saw teddy ducking and squatting up and down, looking for the kitty, hanging on to his bedraggled white bear he named 'mimi.' rudy pranced around enjoying the intrigue.

a candid of teddy and mimi and his burrito (and contraband items such as the binky and the truck that he takes from daddy hicks' house.)

some people call him casper, especially when he runs around the house naked. dern flash.

good grub from our garden dirt,(thank you mother earth) and annie's honey mustard vinaigrette.

memorial day

memorial days in the past have usually been enjoyed rolling down hw49s. the blue suburban would glide through yellow hills and we would be stuck in the angel's camp traffic as the school band played. we'd arrive in yosemite in the late afternoon and set up our tents, throw in the foil packs. it was like coming home, a summer cabin of granite. well, that tradition is down the crapper and teddy and i found new ways to celebrate the everyday.first he took a soak in the jacuzzi.then we went to go honk at uncle jon hicks as he worked diligently as a "adverstisement specialist." sweet moves, jon. welcome back to p-ville for a hot summer from humboldt.

then we fed the wild/tame/beggar deer at the folsom santuary. this one enjoyed a taste of nature's candy: the grape.
followed by a game of peekaboo.

and lastly an empty bribe of more chocolate so he could be enticed for a final photo.

i am going to try to put on a movie clip of me, teddy, and good pal grandpa tom on the choo choo. another one of teddy's loves....wish me luck.

bloggin' aint so tough

the last rain we had teddy and i were outside most of the time soaking it in..(teddy's favorite things: puddles and splashing, oh the joys of seasonal fun)..it feels like a long dry summer is nigh.

our new kitten found a cozy place to sleep after he wore himself out prancing and leaping around. we still cant decide on a name, but carl and i are partial to black beard...everyone else wants to call him zorro. i thought i'd be an awesome mom and let teddy pick out a new kitty (for kittens were/are a joy beyond measure for me). i could just imagine his excitement. we went to my friend anthony's who practically has a kitten farm, (he's got something like four more pregnant cats...he lets nature take its course obviously). i even brought my video camera to capture this happy occasion. teddy was mildly impressed, he didnt flap his arms or squeal or anything. i was like "c'mon teddy! are you kidding me? there's baby kitties everywhere!!!" i think the only things that get him excited is yellow school buses and rubber ducks. i cant find a correlation.
(and so much for all of my "nature appreciation moments." every kid is different, i guess.)

sometimes carl comes unto the computer and leaves weird traces of his artistic binging/therapy behind. he's got a crazy brain. he is a whiz with 'paint,' though.

more hidden jewels that the computer contains. i think matt and willy were working at rubicon and wanting to die. memories.

a fir and a dramatic sky.

people at carls high school have been hiring carl to do t-shirts. he's pretty crafty. this is a giraffe.

he just gives them what he feels like drawing...apparently this is the "emerald weapon" from final fantasy 7.

it's morphin' time!!!!
zordon? zurg? i dont remember his name.

i see link, but i dont really understand.

my favorite.....im pretty sure this is me and my trusty magical canine dandy.

spring time etc.....(with the capacity for love also comes pain..)

the pond where teddy and i walk to. he likes to throw rocks in for the "posh." (splash.)

"walk, walk, rocks, biiiig rocks."

gloria, me, and teddy

happy kid, loves to be outside. we play all day long learning about leaves and flowers and birds.

self-portrait.

folsom....i have my canon resting on this narrow (about an inch and 1/2) beam.....i set the self-timer, steady the sucker, run like mad and tell hailey to look poignant (if one can look this way......did i mention were on a bridge about 60 ft up over a lovely blue river?)

pyramid peak, from the top our driveway. majestic.

my birthday....(everyday)

two little explorers paired together....

folsom sanctuary....the little teddy bear. the little face hole was at his level. he ran behind there and played peekaboo.

it was easter, and we put on nice clothes. teddy is wearing a little velvet jacket from orion. i think he felt a little uncomfortable, considering he and i live in sweatsuits..(or something quite comparable..)

mom loves her babies, and so does the coyotes and raccoons and bobcats.

the turkeys are gone, along with the ducks and midge. she loved these babies...you can't feel love without feeling loss. poor lady. hopefully auntie deb will perk her spirits in NY.